Hello, everyone. I have survived what is probably the worst weekend ever. My hubby and I went to see my mom and other family. Mom does not like him and has not liked him since before she met him. She formed opinions about him before meeting him based on her warped notion of what she remembers me saying about him after meeting him. He and I have been married a little over 7 years and have been together about 8 1/2. While we have been through hell and back together, we are very happy and plan to be together for a long time. (We usually joke about 150 years.)
I was about to make breakfast for him in her kitchen this morning when I realized I could find neither olive oil nor real butter. He will not use or eat margarine or anything with soy in it. He said to me, "Well let's go get some," meaning get some butter from the store. She took this as an insult that her food is not good enough for us or something and told my husband to get out of her house and never come back.
Before I ever even met my hubby, going way back to my birth, my mother has had an extreme control issue with me. She never physically abused me, but she did allow my brother to beat me up. She constantly reminded me that I am not good enough for her in my career, my husband, my home, how much money I make, and any other topic under the sun. She has always treated me like I am still in diapers and incapable of making any decision on my own. She also told me today that she wants nothing to do with me while I am married to my husband. She forced me to choose and I think she thought I might choose her instead of him.
I am feeling pretty confused right now and not sure what I want to do about this. I am going to have to do a lot of thinking. Have any of you ever been forced to deal with a situation like this? I am not looking for advice, necessarily, mainly moral support so that I don't feel so alone.
OFF TOPIC - Worst Weekend Ever
September 3rd, 2007 at 04:49 am
September 3rd, 2007 at 05:17 am 1188793040
I moved away from people who hated me to people that love me. Remember that your husband loves you, you love him, and you are married to him. Follow the love.
September 3rd, 2007 at 02:34 pm 1188826460
September 4th, 2007 at 02:10 am 1188868227
September 4th, 2007 at 02:57 am 1188871070
September 4th, 2007 at 05:11 am 1188879087
September 4th, 2007 at 02:19 pm 1188911987
She never did anything directly to me because she knows full well that if I had my way, I would "kick her to the curb" so to speak without so much as a blink of an eye.
However, my ex could never stand up to her because she was "family", the cycle of abuse continued. My ex-MIL was emboldened while I remained frustrated and powerless as my ex cried for countless nights. And it went on for years like this!
You know, this is something that I'll never understand. Why are some mothers so oppressive against their daughters? I don't understand that at all.
Anyways, I really do feel for you. I'll also never understand my ex on that point. I guess I'm glad that I don't have to deal with that anymore.... Although in our occasional email correspondences, she still insists on pointing out that she's never had "family" like the way I did. I'm thinking, "What family?! Your mother abused you for years, and you're still listening to her rather than putting your foot down. But, OH, it's fine to put fight me on every little thing because I'm expendable and she's not eh? Thank you very much for for the kind treatment even though I gave a damn about you and she didn't"
I'm sorry, am I going overboard with this?
September 4th, 2007 at 06:51 pm 1188928277
September 4th, 2007 at 07:12 pm 1188929536
September 4th, 2007 at 08:06 pm 1188932816
September 4th, 2007 at 10:14 pm 1188940485
September 5th, 2007 at 12:38 am 1188949135
September 5th, 2007 at 07:04 pm 1189015458
The issue is hers, not yours. I hope you can peacefully distance yourself from it. Sending hugs!
September 6th, 2007 at 04:21 pm 1189092087
September 9th, 2007 at 05:08 pm 1189354115
September 17th, 2007 at 04:03 am 1189998197
I don't care for my SO's mother and brother and they are NOT welcome to stay in our home. They may visit for a day, but can park their butts at a hotel.
September 17th, 2007 at 10:53 pm 1190065992
September 18th, 2007 at 08:42 pm 1190144527
September 19th, 2007 at 08:32 am 1190187170
anyway, this is the reason why i no longer socialise with my mother past the hours of 4pm, and i usually leave if she so much as opens a beer or pours a glass of wine.
it also means i have to deal with her going on about my "controlling, aggresive" boyfriend (he is the EXACT opposite of these things!!!)
anyway. i guess its one of those things you just have to deal with somehow. how? i dont know!